


there goes my heart beating

by roseandheather



Category: All Creatures Great and Small (2020), All Creatures Great and Small (TV)
Genre: F/M, Love Confessions, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:40:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28699302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseandheather/pseuds/roseandheather
Summary: "I don't think I can bear it again."
Relationships: Siegfried Farnon/Audrey Hall
Comments: 7
Kudos: 41





	1. Chapter 1

_**3 September 1939** _

"I don't think I can bear it again."

Her arms are wrapped about herself, hopeless and fragile, and he's never felt more helpless in his life. She turns to him, grey eyes wide and wounded, and he reaches out on instinct.

"Audrey," he says, hoarsely. "Come sit down, for God's sake."

She takes his hand and holds on tight as she curls in on herself on the couch, and he strokes his thumb over her fingers, trying to reassure. Her hand is shaking in his and he squeezes tighter, wondering.... and then her shoulders shake, and she gulps hard, and suddenly she's crying, helpless tears spilling down her cheeks. 

"Oh, _God,_ " he says, because if there is one thing on this earth he cannot stand it is to see Audrey Hall in this much pain, and he wraps his arms around her and tugs her into his embrace. 

She cries helplessly into his shoulder, small hands clutching at his shirt, tears dampening his whiskers, and he murmurs to her as he would a frightened horse or an injured rabbit - soothing nonsense that spills from him without thought or heed. "It's all right, my girl, I have you," he whispers against her hair, and in that moment the full force of what they are facing crashes down on him too.

Screaming horses and exploding mortar shells come back to him with vicious, blinding clarity, and he holds on tighter to Audrey as he tries to remember that right now, at least, he is safe, that he is far away from the bombs and the screaming, that his war too, this time round, will likely be fought on the home front by virtue of his profession. But none of it seems to matter; all he can think is ' _oh, God, not again,'_ and hold on to his girl for dear life.

For she _has_ become 'his girl', somehow, some way he doesn't quite understand. Maybe it's built on quiet nights of Scrabble, and morning tea, and his voice joining hers in church as their hands hold on to each other for dear life. All he knows is that facing this without her by his side is, in a word, unbearable.

And... well. There really is only one thing to do with that, isn't there?

Her sobs slow at last, then stop altogether, but she doesn't even try to move, and he feels a flare of hope deep inside his gut. 

"Audrey," he whispers, and when she lifts her head to look at him he takes his life in his hands and kisses her.

She squeaks in surprise and clutches at him, startled fingers spasming in his shirt - but then she's _melting,_ giving herself to him with open-hearted generosity, and he is utterly, hopelessly lost. 

He never knows how long he sits there, holding her close, losing himself in her kiss and her touch. All he knows is that when they part at last, there is only one thing he can say.

"Audrey - marry me."

" _What?"_ she gasps, grey eyes flaring with astonishment.

"I'm wretched without you," he admits, his voice hoarse. "You know that. And... I want to stay in your heart forever." He lifts his head to meet her eyes. "I want you to stay in mine."

"Is this because of the war?" she asks skeptically, but there's a softness in her eyes, and he can feel the fine tremors running all through her body. "You're afraid to lose me, so you want to marry me?"

"On the contrary," he says, his voice husky but shockingly level. "The prospect of losing you made me realise just how desperately I want to marry you." He ducks his head again, and this time he truly cannot hold back the tears. "You are the best of my life. You have been for years. And whatever comes, I always want to be holding your hand."

"Siegfried," she chokes at last, wonder on her face. "Please. _Yes._ "

"Audrey," he whispers, stroking her face with shaking hands. "Audrey, I want you so much."

Her luminous eyes meet his, and there is no fear at all in her gaze. "I'm yours," she murmurs, quiet but sure. "I will always be yours." Her own small hands reach out to touch his face, and he shivers, closes his eyes against the storm of emotion. "Take me to bed, Siegfried. I think we've waited long enough."

Stupefied, wondering, he presses her fingers to his lips and leads her up the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Uh. It has been an obscenely long time since I've published anything new, but that bastard known as Real Life has sapped all my energy for the last few years. I've missed this, missed the writing, the inspiration, and I hope it's starting to come back.
> 
> Frankly, I'm not sure this is any good at all, but you have to get back on the horse, right?
> 
> Will there be a second chapter that bumps the rating up to M? Knowing me, probably. Will it be good? Let's find out, shall we?


	2. Chapter 2

"I love you," he murmurs in her ear, some considerable time later. "I don't think I've said it before."

She looks up at him with that cheeky smile he loves, the tears in her eyes notwithstanding. "You needn't say it just to get me into your bed, you silly man. After all, I'm already here."

Suddenly heartsick, he shakes his head. "Audrey, my God," he says quietly, and reaches out to touch her face. "Dearest, I would _never._ Who....."

She closes her eyes and turns her face away, obviously ashamed, but he won't stand for it; he sits up fully and holds her as close as he can, utterly ignoring her halfhearted resistance. "I could kill him," he mutters then, viciously, and won't let her pull away. "Audrey, my dearest girl, I couldn't bear to hurt a living thing in this world but I could easily kill him for what he's done to you."

"Don't," she says then, and looks up at him with drenched, shining eyes. "He isn't worth it, Siegfried. You _know_ he isn't."

"But you are." The utter conviction in his voice stuns her, makes her heart stutter in her chest, and she hides her face in his neck and weeps tears too long unshed.

"Listen to me now," he murmurs, his hand stroking her loose hair. "I never have been good with this. With _people._ But you.... Audrey, I call you 'dearest' because you _are_. Even when you're frustrating, even when you're mother-henning, even when you're telling me things I don't want to hear - you are the dearest thing in the world to me. I can't promise to always like you. I don't always like _me._ But I slipped into love with you before I ever knew I had, and I only love you more with every day goes by. I will frustrate you, and confound you, and sometimes I will shout at you, but I will always respect you and I will always, _always_ love you. I couldn't bear to hurt you, Audrey. And I would die before I ever willingly did. _That_ is what you are worth, and the more fool him for not seeing it. _You didn't deserve it, Audrey._ "

She lifts her stunned face to his then, blotchy and tear-streaked, and her heart is in her glorious eyes. She shakes her head, opens her mouth to speak, closes it again. Helplessly she shrugs, delighted, overjoyed laughter bubbling out of her, and then she kisses him, over and over again, her lips stuttering against his like a hummingbird's fast-fluttering wings. "I love you," she whispers, sobs it really, in between kisses. "I will love you every day of my life. Every frustrating, exasperating, infuriating _bit_ of you." Her small hands flutter over his face, his bare shoulders, and he shudders with want. When her eyes meet his she is alight, and _alive,_ and he wants to capture her radiance, bottle it, bask in its glow for all the days of his life. 

There are no words left for this, for the joy she gives him, for the way she grounds him, for the lightness she brings to his heart and the sweetness of her smile. So he gives up on them entirely and lifts her hand, takes it in both of his, and presses fervent kisses to her palm until she is breathless and shaking and winding herself around him as though she can't bear to let go.

And he prays, for the first time in years, to a God he'd thought he'd lost on the bloody fields of Belgium. Prays and prays, from his heart and gut and soul, that he'll never have to face a life without her holding his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it in character? No idea. I hope so. Audrey and Siegfried more-or-less-politely shut the proverbial bedroom door in my face.... at least for now. Stay tuned.


End file.
